Amazon Should Do Zero Stars

Posted byLouise BeechPosted inUncategorized

Amazon Should Do Zero Stars

Just no.

Mediocre.

Just no.

Too much of a stretch.

I really did my best.

I should have stopped at 30%.

Should never have reached the end.

I wouldn’t have missed

much.

Amazon should do zero stars.

Colin and Ken bored me to tears.

To tears.

It could have been so much better,

with an injection of tension or fear.

Dire.

It’s a terrible book.

One star.

It’s a pity she didn’t concentrate on one subject

or the other

but then she wouldn’t have had enough material

to write two novels.

Am I missing something?

Amazon should do zero stars.

I could not carry on reading.

Okay, not great.

Can’t use language? Don’t write a book.

What the fuck?

Contrived plot.

Too long.

Needs a judicious pruning.

Worst thing I’ve ever read, and I’ve read lots.

It’s not you, it’s me.

There’s too much good literature out there to

waste time reading

such shit.

Amazon should do zero stars.

I hope my review saves people the pain

and wasted time

I have endured again.

Mediocre.

Full of clichés and predictable.

Don’t waste your time on this

drivel.

Not a man’s book.

It’s written like a children’s book.

What the fuck?

Make your mind up.

A children’s books,

and not a good one at that.

Amazon should do zero stars.

It’s not often I don’t finish a book

But this time I have been

defeated.

Perhaps this should be repeated –

defeated.

This book wasn’t for me.

I’m unable to find any positive comments

to make.

Oh, try. Do try.

Two stars – I was enjoying it

until I stopped halfway.

Lions are my favourite

but the facts are all wrong.

It’s too long.

Amazon should do zero stars.

This book arrived late.

It did not fit on my bookshelf.

It is not what I thought.

It is not what I bought.

She is not quite right.

This is not quite right.

You are not quite right.

Just no.

Amazon should do zero stars.

Published by Louise Beech

I remember sitting in my musician father's cross-legged lap while he tried to show me the guitar chords. I was three. His music sheets fascinated me - strange language that translated into music. My mother taught French and English, so her fluency with words fired my interest. I love all forms of writing. My short stories have won the Glass Woman Prize, the Eric Hoffer Award for Prose, and the Aesthetica Creative Works competition, as well as shortlisting twice for the Bridport Prize and being published in a variety of UK magazines. My first play, Afloat, was performed at Hull Truck Theatre in 2012. I also wrote a ten-year newspaper column for the Hull Daily Mail about being a parent. My debut novel, How to be Brave, was a Guardian Readers' pick for 2015. My third novel Maria in the Moon was described as ‘quirky, darkly comic and heartfelt’ by the Sunday Mirror; The Lion Tamer Who Lost shortlisted for the Popular Romantic Novel of 2019 at the RNA Awards and longlisted for the Polari Prize 2019; Call Me Star Girl longlisted for the Guardian’s Not The Booker Prize and was Best magazine’s Best Book of the Year 2019; and I Am Dust was a Crime Magazine Monthly Pick. This Is How We Are Human was a Clare Mackintosh Book of the Month. Daffodils, the audiobook of my memoir, and Nothing Else were released 2022. End of Story (as Louise Swanson) and the paperback version of my memoir, Eighteen Seconds, were released in 2023.

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